Recently, I've been battling a lot of doubts.
What are you doing here?
The sinking feeling in my stomach stares back at that question. No answer, just big eyes in the dark looking at me, waiting for my reaction.
My inner critic loves to kick in any moment I'm not fully present. Anytime I trip over a little thing.
The fear inside me starts growing, and the dark thoughts and the urge to quit it all and go back to the way everyone else is doing it. Because "if everyone is doing it, it works!" "Who do you think you are?"
"What kind of fantasy land do you live in?"
"What if you're wrong?"
And then, in my support group meeting, I heard a new story. A new story I like much more – this is your naked shaman phase. That's not to say I'm a shaman by any means (:D), but that's where my story starts. Alone in the jungle. With very little in my bank account. Naked, with no titles to cover myself with, no modern comforts, no big bank accounts. Just a human, trying to listen to the whispers of the heart and create something she's never created and expressed before.
A vulnerable place.
But the story wouldn't be inspiring if it wasn't dramatic, right? So that's what's happening. We're creating a dramatic beginning to the story, a zero to hero story.
Well done, universe, well done. Sounds like it's going to be an interesting show.
This morning, in my automatic writing session, I got "do it for the fun of it."
"You already have everything you want.
It's there for you.
We are going through this beautiful experience.
It's a gift.
It's a building block for all you want to build.
The building is already there.
You're going through building it for the fun of the experience.
For the lessons.
For the fun of figuring it out.
For the fun of overcoming.
For the joy of feeling the contrast.
If it was easy and simple, it would be boring.
There's not much you can learn this way.
There isn't much meaning in easy things.
What's hard for you – this is where you want to go.
To be free.
To really set yourself free.
Expand.
Remove the borders.
Limitations.
Let go of all the chains that are holding you back.
You don't need the chains.
You put them on yourself.
You're in the cage with a door open.
Fly through the open door.
Leave the chains behind.
You're FREE.
Run wild.
Run in the open field of opportunities.
Feel your wide-open energy field.
Fly through space. Circle around planets and galaxies.
You're free, my love."
Do it for the fun of it.
With warmth and love,
Victoria